Total Confusion and Poison Control

After a trip to the pediatrician for M's 5-year check-up (a visit I'm too tired to recount), we were settling in for an uneventful, rainy afternoon. The doc had also looked in R's ear for me and discovered that there was, as R had claimed, "a boo-boo in my ear." I gave R his antibiotic and gave M Tylenol for her poor legs that endured four immunizations. I wandered back to my room to feed my cherub and enjoy a few moments of quiet. Too quiet.

R: Mom, that green medicine didn't work, so I had to get some new medicine.
L: What? Did you take some medicine?
R: ............No.
M: Yes, he did. His breath smells like medicine.
(I sniff. I smell cherry Children's Tylenol. I run into the kitchen to find the Tylenol bottle that I left open sitting on the counter and the little medicine cup next to it.)
L: Robert, did you drink this?
R: No.
L: ROBERT. Did you drink this? Tell me the truth.
R: No.
L: TELL ME THE TRUTH RIGHT NOW. It's very important. Did you pour some of this into this little cup and drink it?
R: Hmmm.
L: WHAT?
R: HMMM. HMMM.
L: What does that mean? Yes?
R: Uh huh.
L: YES???
R: Yes.
L: How many times did you fill up this little cup? Tell me the truth.
R: Hmmm.
L: How many times?
R: I take two sips.
L: You took two sips? Or filled it up two times?
(He holds up three fingers.)
L: You filled it up three times? ROBERT. TELL ME.
R: Hmmmm.
L: ROBERT, did you drink three cups of this?
R: Two sips.
L: You took two sips.
R: I fill it up three times.
(By this time I'm on the phone with poison control, trying to recount the details of this ridiculously unclear story.)
L: ROBERT. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT. TELL MOMMY THE TRUTH RIGHT NOW. TELL ME HOW MUCH YOU DRANK.
R: Where am I going? (He thinks we're going back to the doctor.)
L: You're not going anywhere. You're not in trouble. But I need to know RIGHT NOW how much you drank.
R: I didn't drink any.
L: YOU JUST TOLD ME YOU DRANK THREE CUPS. DID YOU???????????!!!!!!!!!!!
R: Hmmm.hmm.
L: WHAT???????!!!!!!
R: Uh huh. Yes.
All the while, the poison control lady is asking me details about the bottle, throwing out different fractions that might describe the "worst case scenario", and imploring me to do my best to evaluate how much he drank. Millie was loving every minute of the drama. Peggy was crying. Have I ever mentioned that I don't deal well with stress? That stressful situations aren't my best parenting moments?

I've condensed this conversation. It was fifty times this long. I braced myself for: Mrs. Murray - we're going to need you to take R to the emergency room. Thankfully, the sweet lady came back and said I could give him a cup of water and watch him at home.

I mentioned in my last post that I was so content with my identity. That it was the greatest. A cashier at Wal-Mart made me realize this may not be so true. I made a quick run sans children a few Saturdays ago to buy baby food. While I was in the check-out line, a guy walked up behind me who had grown up at my home church. He was several years younger, but I always knew who he was. So I said hello and chatted while we waited. When it was my turn to pay, the cashier looked at him, then me, and said, "Is he your son?"

EXCUSE ME???????????????

"Is he your son?"

NO.

"Do people ask you that all the time?"

NO. Are you an idiot?

I'm kidding. I wasn't mean to her. I just laughed in a "that's really funny but not really" sort of way and walked off, feeling mortified that someone thought I could have a 27-year-old SON.

Why did I care? Why do I care? Because I am VAIN. That's why. And not just a little. I may be the most vain person on the planet. I have a bad haircut right now. And roots. And grays. And cellulite. And it stinks.

I wrote this post a couple of months ago and have been waiting to finish it with something deep and inspiring, but to heck with it. A 5.18.10 update, though. I have a better haircut, and I highlighted my own hair (not great, not terrible); the highlights helped the roots and some of the grays. As for the cellulite...hmmm...no quick fix for that one. But no one has asked me this week if I have an adult child, so that's something, right??

Hard and Great

I've been wanting to start a list about my experience in motherhood. A list of the hard things and the great things. Of course, one of the great things about motherhood is that it's hard. It pushes me to the limit, to the end of myself, and that's great. And, one of the hard things is that I want to attain greatness in this, the most important calling of my life, and I can't.

Back to the list. It's a little awkward-sounding because it's not parallel; some things on the list are specific and some are general...I'm just going with it. And it's not very long. Maybe I'll add more items another day during my spare time.

Hard thing - no spare time.
Great thing - kisses on the lips from my kids. Last night I said, "Robert, I'm so thankful I get to be your mommy!" He just smiled and said, "Okay." Then he planted one on me.

Hard thing - needing help the most when my kids are sick, and no one being able to help when my kids are sick
Great thing - seeing Miller and Robert dance around the den

Hard thing - wiping Robert's bottom with leaves at the park today when I discovered there was no bathroom (If anyone thinks I need to rename this blog "The Poop Report", I can't disagree.)
Great thing - the way Margaret's smile thrills Miller as much as it does me and Andrew. She says, "I LOVE that smile."

Hard thing - waking up from an almost comatose sleep to Robert telling me there's tee-tee on the couch. (I'm sorry, folks, this is my life. Try to block these stories from your mind if you ever have to come over to my house and actually SIT on my couch.)
Great thing - listening to Miller and Robert sing songs to Margaret

Hard thing - figuring out how to teach my kids to handle anger and disappointment well when I don't know how myself
Great thing - seeing them start to grin and then smile big at my attempts to be funny

Hard thing - teaching them to share
Great thing - seeing them, on occasion, share

Hard thing - failing in front of them
Great thing - seeing how quick they are to forgive me and each other. Reminds me of Someone else I know.

Hard thing - being disheveled, and consequently, humiliated. Quick story - I walked all around Babies R Us this week, looked at every car seat, talked to three employees, entered and exited the store several times, with my hair looking greasy and unkempt and my NURSING BRA STRAP somehow HANGING OUT OF THE BACK OF MY JACKET AND HALFWAY DOWN TO MY KNEE. I talked to some neighbors yesterday while holding Margaret and realized a minute later that there was an 85% possibility I had been talking with a considerable amount of thick, white spit up on my chin.
Great thing - being willing to be humiliated. Losing my pride. Realizing that I'm okay with the fact that my identity is now: Mother of Three.

Speaking of being okay with this identity - Yesterday, I heard that random lady on the radio singing "I Dreamed a Dream", Fantine's famous lament from Les Miserables. Do you know who I'm talking about? She won America's Got Talent. Or almost won. What is her name?? Anyway, I started remembering how obsessed I was with Broadway musicals in junior high and high school. I LOVED them. I even...this is really embarrassing...but I even recorded myself singing this song for a school project in 10th grade. 10TH GRADE!! On a tape! For my teacher to hear! Holy cow. What a nerd. I had dreams of being on Broadway. I really thought I could possibly be Eponine one day. I started thinking about other dreams I've dreamed in my life. When I was younger, I hoped I would one day learn to play the guitar well and be a singer songwriter. Or live in New York for a year. Or go to law school. Or write a book. Or be a pharmaceutical rep. Or have another job that was challenging and at which I was fabulous. None of these dreams came true, and they never will. I'm 32 years old. I'm getting gray hair and wrinkles. And this is what I am: a mother of three who walks around with undergarments hanging out. Guess what? It's much, much, much more than okay. It's a dream come true. Not because it's easy, but because it's hard. and GREAT.

I've tried all kinds of tactics to motivate Robert to behave at school. The above is a picture of a Green Party held in his honor (at our kitchen table) after he stayed on green two school days in a row. He told me the other day, "Daddy loves me even if I go on lellow." I said, "Does he want you to go on yellow?" "No. But he LOVES me even if I go on lellow."



"This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins."

prayers and Diego

Miller's lunchtime prayer today: "We pray for this day. We thank you for this food that you made for us. We eat food and we like food. but we like you more than we like food. We just like you more than we like you. Amen."

At every meal, every time someone asks God's blessing on our food, Robert can be heard chomping away in the background. At the end of every prayer, he says, "I was chewing." If he's the one saying the prayer, he takes breaks to chew. I want to teach him reverence, but I don't really think God cares if he's chewing. Also, I think he may be doing it just to get under my skin, the same way he goes #2 in his britches to get under my skin, laughs at me, then says, "I'm laughing at you, mommy."

I love the show Go Diego Go! It's Robert's favorite, and every morning, the moment they wake up, my kids begin the day with: Can I pick a show? Can I pick first??? Robert would pick Diego 100% of the time, while Mills is partial to My Friends Tigger and Pooh. There was a time when I didn't let my kids start the day watching television, but...ummm...that time is no more. Anyway, I love Diego. It's simple and straightforward. There are no lessons in morality that I may or may not agree with, just straight-up animal facts. Best of all, it leads to conversations like these:

R: Did you know there are sweet spiders?
L: No.
R: And MEAN spiders.
L: Huh.
M: I wish I could live in the rain forest.
L: I bet you would see lots of interesting animals.
M: Yeah like sloths.
L: Uh-huh.
M: And pygmy marmosets and stuff.

The above pic is of Miller's most anticipated moment since she heard she was having a sister: She got to hold Margaret, all by herself, standing up (just for a second). It was as wonderful as she had imagined it would be. Also posting a pic of the most rockin' bald spot in the history of babies' heads.

Egg Sandwiches

As Miller's carefully constructed egg sandwich was falling apart this morning, and I was reminding her that egg sandwiches always seem to fall apart, she was inspired to think of what things will be like at the end of history when all things on earth are redeemed and made new:

M: I bet egg sandwiches won't fall apart in heaven.
And I bet Robert won't ever have to go on yellow.
And there will be no sicknesses. And no throw-up-ing.

Robert also gave me a little more insight into his poopy pull-up from last night.
WARNING: STOP READING IF YOU HAVE A WEAK STOMACH, OR IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE FULL TRUTH ABOUT THE INCLINATIONS OF LITTLE BOYS!!!

R: Last night, I didn't know poo poo was going to come out. It came out in pieces. And I tried to push it back up, but I cou-int.

Nice....

Share! Dadgummit!

I often get frustrated with my kids because they're not good at sharing. Has Robert found a great toy to play with? Hey! Miller wanted it too! At the exact same moment! Has Miller found a stick in the yard, or a piece of a broken plastic shovel, or an acorn? Darn it! Robert wanted that stick! He wanted that piece of plastic! Miller, will you give Robert a turn with that stick? NO!!!! Even when one remembers to ask nicely (M: "R, please can I see that stick?"), the other almost always responds with an adamant "NO!" I couldn't possibly count the number of times these scenarios occur each HOUR at my house. And I don't understand them. I'm perplexed. I'm thinking, and sometimes, (regrettably) saying - Who cares about that silly stick? Why do you even want that stick? I act like I can't even imagine that kind of greed and selfishness. Who am I kidding?

Last week I ate a pack of peanut butter crackers in the shower. IN THE SHOWER. Why? I didn't want to share them with my kids. I love to eat packages of Toasty peanut butter crackers. I could eat a pack for each of my three meals. I love to eat all six crackers, and if they came in packages of 10, I could eat all 10. My kids love them, too, and every time I open a pack, they come running up, "Can I have a cracker? Can I have another one?" Sometime I only get to eat one or two. If one could see into my heart at these moments, and see how hard it is for me to share my crackers.... The other day, I lost my cool. It's hard to tell these stories, (though, don't think for a minute that I put my worst stories on this blog!) but this is what went down. Robert came running up and asked for a cracker, and I said something like: NO!! Why are you always trying to get my crackers??!! I'm hungry!! I never get enough of my crackers!! Get away!! Robert replied, "God wants us to share." "CRAP! Who taught you that??" Just kidding. That wasn't my actual response. I did end up sharing, but I snuck a pack into the shower a little while later.

It was a humbling moment, and I was thinking - Sharing IS hard, when you value the thing you're being asked to share. And though I don't value an acorn, Robert and Miller truly might. So from now on, I know I'll be perfectly patient all the time when they don't share. =) I once heard someone say that insight doesn't lead to change. How true! How true in my life.

Here's a picture of what I ate in the shower today. No one was here to take my Frosted Flakes, but I needed to take a shower and I needed to eat, and I only had twenty minutes. This pic illustrates the total lack of discretionary time in my life these days. Notice the dirty tub. Notice the bath toys that have not been picked up. I'm operating at maximum capacity, and it's not pretty, and it's hard. It's hard to let go of my house being clean, or at least picked up, of wearing mascara, of having clothes folded and beds made, of talking to friends, of going to the bathroom alone...Just kidding! I've not gone to the bathroom alone in years. (I was also going to write - "of having wonderful, hot meals on the table" as a joke, but most who read this know I never cooked much in the first place =)) Life was already busy, but having a third has meant that some things are literally out the window. But please see above pics for the great rewards of my life who are infinitely better than a clean, calm house.

Speaking of not having a clean house, after being potty trained for many, many months, Robert has decided TO HECK with pooping on the potty. That little rascal is feeling free to do his business anywhere he pleases, and it bothers him not at all that mommy is losing her mind over it. Tonight while cleaning him up in the bathroom, his only response was to tell me:

"MOMMY. Don't say 'Dadgummit'. Say, 'This is ri-DIC-ulous.'"

Another area where I'm falling behind these days is teaching my kids ANYTHING. Miller is picking up my slack. The other day she pretended to read Robert the story of the good samaritan from a little picture book she made at school. When she finished, she tested him on the main points of the story.

M: Robert, do we hit?
R: No.
M: Do we push?
R: No.
M: Robert...do we..STOLE??
R: No.

I had parent-teacher conferences this week at school, and Robert's teachers asked me if he was willing to recite his memory verses for me at home. I don't know what I said, but I was thinking that I was only vaguely aware that he was learning memory verses, that I didn't know what they were, and that I had failed to ask him about them for months. (Being a straight-A type of girl myself, I didn't admit this to his teachers for fear of a bad grade in mommy-ing.) This afternoon when I DID ask him about it, he proudly said his verse: "CALL TO ME AND I WILL ANSWER YOU!!! Jeremiah Firty Free....Free!!!" (Jeremiah 33:3). He will, sweet Robert.

Miller began and ended the day playing Mary, mother of Jesus. Jesus was a pink girl baby doll, and Miller's outfit didn't look too authentic, but she played her part with zeal. At one point this morning, while Robert had taken a break from playing Joseph to play a waiter at Mariachi Grill (our favorite Mexican restaurant), Miller walked in the den with Jesus in her arms, sat down, and said:

"Sometimes Joseph stays at Sunday longer than I do. I came here to have some lunch. Can you please make me a chicken quesadilla?"

Later on, one of them said, though I can't remember which one, "Do you see my little Lord Jesus, asleep on the hay?" We're singing lots of Christmas songs around here....And in case you're wondering, Miller had me play the horse-y. At one point, I had Mary, Joseph, and the pink baby doll all loaded up. The old back ain't what it used to be, and I had to buck that crew off pretty quickly.

His song is in my soul

"The leader of the band is tired and his eyes are growing old
but his blood runs through my instrument and his song is in my soul.
My life has been a poor attempt to imitate the man -
I'm just a living legacy to the leader of the band."

It seems like I just wrote a birthday blog for Jeffy a few months ago, but a year has passed. For the man who would never want attention, I seem to be unable to resist giving it to him. Good 'ole Dan Fogelberg. I love this song. It has always reminded me of my dad, and I was thinking about it last night, and I wondered why it makes me think of him. He's no longer in a band, he's not tired, and his clear blue eyes look the same to me as they have all my life. Also, I don't play an instrument. (I played piano poorly as a child, and I only wish I played my prize possession: a Seagull guitar he bought me after college.) But I love music because he taught me to love it, and I do hope my life reflects the kind of father he is. I guess the song just reminds me of him because the writer loves his dad so much. Happy Birthday, Jeffy.

The other day, Margaret and I were the patients for Doctor Robert and Doctor/Nurse/Princess Ballerina with pink lipstick Miller. Robert held a stethoscope to my chest. "How do my lungs sound?" R: "No, that's the sound of your heart beeping." Millie examined next. I said, "Don't I have a cute baby?" She replied, "Yes, and she breathes pretty good, too." Whew.

Robert often grabs Margaret's hand, shakes it (a little too vigorously, of course), and says, "How to meet you! How to meet you!"

Yesterday as I tried to rouse him from his nap, I picked up one of Robert's hands and held it for a while. It's so big now. It's like he's turned into a giant overnight. His palms are almost leathery, reminders of what a tree climbing, dirt digging little guy he is. His proud report when I picked him up from school yesterday: "MOM! I stayed on GREEN today! I did not hit or push!!" New things added to his on-the-way-to-school talk: "Try your best to stay in your chair at lunchtime. Don't pour your drink on anyone else's lunch. Don't throw away anyone else's box drink straw." The list is getting too long for the poor sweetie. (See Nov 6th post) Yesterday I consolidated to: "Try your best to obey. Kind hands. Keep them to yourself. You can do it!" Lest anyone worry that his spirits could get down from all the talk of obedience, the truth is that, as my mom pointed out, he's very proud of himself when he "stays on green", but it doesn't really bother him when he "goes on yellow". Talking about all of this in terms of traffic lights is so darn hilarious to me. One detail of M & R's school that I love: If they get in big trouble (you guessed it - "go on red"), an OOPS note comes home that must be signed by the parent. I've only gotten one so far. The note says,

"I know the rules of my classroom, but today I chose not to": offense is checked.

But at the bottom, it goes on to say, "Tomorrow is a new day and God will help me obey my class rules. 'Great is His faithfulness; His lovingkindness begins afresh each day.'"

For a mom who herself receives many OOPS reports for her own poor choices and unwise behavior, the newness of the morning and the knowledge of His love is the music my ears love most.

My current OOPS report: Laura knows the rule of kindness toward her children, but today she chose not to:

be kind and patient while blogging, counting her flowery words about her kids as more important than her kids.

This moment is a new beginning. Great is His faithfulness!.............................................Proofreading..................still impatient................okay - THIS moment! Go!